I'm at my wits end. Thought that being a mother the second time around would be a breeze, boy...was I ever wrong.
I just can't figure out how women with truck loads of kids manage to juggle this whole motherhood thing. And to know that many are progressing just fine fuels my inadequacy.
Sarah is being quite the handful. One minute I feel like picking her up and slapping her around, the next minute I feel like embracing her in my arms and smother her with kisses. How in the world do I make her understand that I'm still as crazy about her as before? How do I make it known to her that now she has a little brother who will add more love to our little family? How do I make her see that she has nothing to feel insecure about? How do I make her stop misbehaving? How do I make her cooperate?
My heart breaks when I see Sarah smothering her little baby brother with kisses just to get my attention. She thinks if she loves her brother than perhaps she will be loved too. Doesn't she realize that she is loved, regardless?
I guess Sarah does feel that tinge (Tinge??? Who are we kidding? It's more like immense here) of jealousy. I feel that Sarah doesn't dare to show directly what's bothering her and due to that she retaliates in other ways. She misbehaves and makes everything difficult for everyone. She screams, she stomps, she hits, she wails, she refuses for just about everything to everyone except towards little baby. And to think Sarah used to be the sweetest natured child ever now she is acting up like some sort of devil child (god forbid) pushing everyone's buttons and testing our patience.
I'm tired, sleep deprived, lethargic, fatigue, you name it, I got it. And having to squeeze in handling a difficult child, cooking, cleaning and breastfeeding all in the same time AND when my body hasn't even recovered fully from the traumatic ordeal of childbirth, I swear I'm going bonkers.
I have this tremendous urge to strangle someone and the person I have in mind right now is my dear mother in law for not having the foresight to teach her son to be more domesticated. Yup, my man is so unreliable he doesn't even know how to sweep! Aaaaaargggh!!!!!!!!!!!
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