I'm Doing My Best!

I was on the phone with my sister just now. Felt the need to whine to someone about what a handful Sarah is becoming and since hubby’s in London, thought sis would be the next best person to pour out my frustrations.

I told her how I blew my lid off last night after managing to keep my cool and putting up with Sarah’s tantrum for 2 whole weeks. Sarah as usual was working up a fit refusing to bath, I had to carry her kicking and screaming into the bathroom to bath her. After I was done, she starting working up a fit refusing to leave the bathroom and put on her clothes. The baby was in the background screaming his lungs out. I kept insisting her over and over again to come out and get dressed. She repeatedly screamed back “No!” What really ticked me off was when I saw her putting the hand bidet into her mouth and drinking the tap water. Countless of times I’ve told her, scolded her, reasoned with her to not do that. This was one too many times that she had disregarded my instructions, so what did I do? I switched off the lights of the bathroom and shut the door.

Sarah then screamed in fright and started banging on the bathroom door pleading to be let out. I stood outside the door quietly for 2 whole minutes before switching on the bathroom lights and letting her out. Somehow or rather, that made her come to her senses and she behaved her all the way to bedtime. When I told her it was time for her bedtime, she obediently complied without putting up a fight like she does every other night.

Anyway, told my sis about last night’s entire episode. I was taken aback when my sister exclaimed that what I did was the meanest thing she’s ever heard off. Sister made me feel guilty and ashamed for what I’ve done. To add insult to injury, she insinuated that Sarah is spoiled. I’ve let her get away with stuff countless of times and this is the result of my doing. Then she brought up the incident when Sarah was younger and played with her documents and stuff and wasn’t reprimanded for her actions. Heck, she was only 2!

I’m a strong believer in encouraging a child to be positive. I try not to say ‘No’ to her all the time. Like when Sarah played with her daddy’s work manuals, hubby freaked out. Although I told Sarah what she did was wrong, I didn’t see the necessity to punish her for it. It’s not like she can read and at her age, a piece of paper is just a piece of paper. I told hubby, if he wanted to blame someone, blame himself for leaving important stuff strewn about.

Little sis then proceeded to say “Don’t you wonder how so and so does it? Her eldest boy is just perfect.” Hey…what’s that suppose to mean? I’m a terrible mother? The truth is, I too think so and so is an excellent mother. But it’s easy to be a superb mom when you don’t have to worry about cleaning up the mess, doing the laundry and cooking. Your youngest child can already talk and walk and on top of it all, have TWO excellent maids to call and depend upon.

I was pissed with lil sis. Humph…what does she know about being a mother, she isn’t even married. I ended THAT phone call abruptly. Perhaps I am being defensive, insecure and emotional but I’m doing the best I can. I admit I’m not the most excellent mother around and wouldn’t even stand a chance if this was a competition but it is all I know how to be.

Despites my whines and complaints, I know that no one will be able to love my children the way I do. No one will know my children the way I do. No one will be able to care and nurture my children the way I do. I may be a terrible mother, but I’ll be the only mother that Sarah would ever know of. At the end of the day, it’s what she thinks that really matters. I hope she knows that I’m doing my best.

Sarah was born on May 15th, 2003 at 12.o5pm. Someone once told me children born during midday will be of the stubborn variety. Hmmm….